What do you do?

I was asked this question by a “working” woman and I didn’t answer.  I knew she didn’t have time.

But I’m going to give it a try, as it’s early still, and by day’s end I’ll have done so much I won’t recall it all.

I awoke around 6:00, thinking of yesterday’s blessings and thinking of God.  I “slept in” until 6:20, which is 7:20 in Texas.  After a quick face wash teeth brushing, it was time to pull on my warm robe and to call my daughter, who was on her way to class at Kenneth Copeland Bible College, and to thank her for sending to me some of her class notes on prayer, as well as a lovely scripture.

She was, as always, happy to hear my voice.  I shared devotionals with her, and talked about revelations from the day before, what was on her agenda, and then prayed with her before she left her car and started her classes.

It was then time for my early morning “encouragement cuddle” with John, which he seems to think is necessary to give him strength to get out of the warm and cozy covers.  Next came the fun job of picking warm clothes for this bright and chilly Rocky Mountain day – black jeans and thick black socks with a black, pink, and blue plaid Betsy Johnson flannel shirt (nice and long and flattering).

This accomplished I returned to my Quiet Time with God, listening first to Joel Osteen’s timely words which were direct answers to questions I had about a few of my endeavors, including writing.

I went from Joel to Audrey Mack, whose thoughts about the joining of the Spirit and the Word gave me more prayer fodder.  And somewhere in there the complicated became simple, and I knew exactly how to solve a writing problem that had been vexing me for some time.

Wow, wow, wow.  I didn’t waste time.  I wrote.  An entire chapter.

I then awoke Seth with a coffee promise, put the heavy whipping cream into a warmed Mary Engelbreit cream jug, heated cups and put on the percolator.  Such a joy, the soon gurgling coffee rising up and showing off through the glass atop the percolator.

John had already told me he didn’t want breakfast (we ate late last night), so I talked food talk with Seth as we satisfied our tummies with very creamy coffee.  We also covered a bit of history – things like the amazing tonnage of steel the US produced in peacetime Depression years, when various automakers went from steel to aluminum, then “after-market” work on less than stellar truck engines, and finally, comparisons of 20th-century world dictators.

Next we went through the fridge freezer and found nothing for lasagne, which Seth thinks is the thing for dinner tonight.  He took off to my writing cabin, where there’s a freezer full of meat (he is very fond of coming home with sausages, bacon, deer, and various other treasures).

Somewhere in all this I wrote a letter to our son, Benjamin, who is overseas in the Military, and tucked it into a card.  John found a lovely verse to add (Psalm 139:9-10 NIV) and Seth added a couple of words as well.

We will make a special trip to the post office soon to mail this along with a letter to a loved one in prison, and I’m about to write a short letter to Rebekah, as well.  Don’t we all love to get real mail?

Sending real mail is one of the lost arts of this age of “working” women, but I am determined to do my part to keep it alive.  That’s what homemaking is about, keeping the worthwhile alive.  That’s what home is:  Life.

“What do you do?” she asked, truly curious about how I spend my time.

So far this morning I have also washed the sheets and a white blanket, and put in a load of jeans and dark T-shirts.  I have resisted the urge to fold the whites done last night, as there are major things I want to get to today, and I can fold the whites later, perhaps when my daughter Jane calls me back (I called her as well this morning, but she was at work early and couldn’t talk).

Back to the utility room:  Ignoring the whites, I filled a pot with hot water, vinegar, and a little bit of Dawn, because I’m about to scrub the trim and railing in the stairwell, as it is high time it was painted to match the trim at the top and at the bottom of the stairs.

My first plan for today was to deal with apples.  I have a big box completely full (given to me yesterday at church) that I plan to turn into apple sauce, pie fixins, etc., but that will wait until afternoon.  The stairs must be done first, while the motivation to scrub is living (which is why I must stop blogging – I have already written a blog post this morning about homeschooling!).

I am no doubt leaving things out – like the skimming of a magazine, straightening the living room, sweeping under the table, and in the foyer, checking mousetraps, the underlining of a favorite verse in The Passion Bible, with a mental note to share it with Hannah, the daughter who gave me this Bible for Christmas last year.

I hear the truck – Seth has returned.  It’s time to do something.

Praise the Lord, first of all, for the endlessly rewarding, challenging, and beautiful gift of Home.

Blessings all over you, Dear Reader!

Bev

Get the Should Out of My Writing!

Tightwad Gazette author Amy Dacyczyn tells the story of how her creativity went out the window when she was told exactly what to create and when to have it done.  We sabotage ourselves in this same way when we write for results, rather than for the joy of creating.

I’m attempting to plant a seed here, based on my somewhat murky vision of what the crop might be.  A plain white packet of tomato seeds will not be chosen by a novice gardener as quickly as will the one showcasing a vintage watercolor of sun-ripened tomatoes on the vine.

So, let us envision a lovely scene, all written to our own specifications, no “shoulds” allowed, and let’s call it ours.  It is not for the cruel editor’s cut, or the critique of the masses.  It is not even for the approval of those who love us and think whatever we do is simply grand.  It is “Not for Sale!”

It’s for the joy and the beauty of creation.

And tomorrow, we will see, as delighted and adventuresome children, what comes next.

As I listen to layered birdsong and the rustle and shimmying of aspen leaves, and think with satisfaction of my watered, sort-of-thriving herbs, I imagine myself in this setting as a small child.

I would bury my face in those exuberantly red geraniums.  Could they smell like they look –  bright and boisterous?  And all those vines hanging down around the sides of the basket – might I hide among them, and make myself a spot?  A place of my very own?  Would anyone care if I nibbled on those mint leaves, or some basil?

And suddenly there is a little girl in my heart, and she has a story.  I don’t need to know the end of the story, and an outline would be quite ridiculous.  I live in the here and now, and this story will tell itself in its own good time.  I don’t have to know if it’s long or short, serious or silly, and there’s no reason to define it, limit it, constrict it – should it.

This is my story and I’m stickin’ to it.  And I’m lovin’ it.

Writing, I mean.

James Bond, Georgette Heyer, and Let’s Write!

I struggle with those highbrows, both in and outside my life, who refuse to read anything except “good writing.”

First off, I’m sure my writing doesn’t qualify.  Next, we are not in agreement of what constitutes “good writing.”  Ideally, I don’t have to choose, but if presented with a choice between the “dark, poignant, and tragic tale of human whatsit” and a story that makes me smile, laugh out loud, think and ponder, and generally feel I’ve been enriched in some way, there’s no contest.

Give me a writer whose life isn’t a “dark, poignant, and tragic tale of human whatsit” and whose mission is not, therefore, to make certain my life is, at least for a time, equally depressing, morbid, and joyless.  My husband, John, has a name for this prevalent idea among the literary “elite” (I do not think that word means what you think it means) that good writing  (Literature, no less!) comes from the angst of the tortured soul (good writing is the the province of such souls, don’t you know), and is most often performed under the influence of various mind-altering substances, and at the brink of suicide.   John says it’s bovine fecal matter, aka B.S.

It seems to me that much of what the publishing world is praising, publishing, and passing off as literature is contrived, formulaic, and trite.  Someone writes a great romance or two, and then suddenly they (or someone influencing them), decide we must add “poignance”.  Why?  Is it because the world is too happy and bright, and we must never for a single moment consider things not horrible?

Let’s write a book about predictable, boring, uninspiring, plastic people in plastic worlds being defeated at every turn!  If we put on a slick jacket with nifty artwork and get a crafty marketer to sell the plot, another sucker will pick it up and try it.

And sigh.  And say, “Where is The Swiss Family Robinson?  Where is The Secret Garden?   Why aren’t there more books like The Help and Louis L’Amour’s The Sacketts?  What is this fear of goodness, joy, beauty and victory, what is this celebration of ugliness, THIS FALSENESS, seeking to grip us all? “

Give me authenticity!  Authenticity works.  George Strait, Clint Eastwood, Katherine Hepburn, John Wayne, Edith Schaeffer, Ben Carson, Ronald Reagan, Queen Elizabeth, and even Donald Trump are among those folks who dance(d) to the beat of their own drummers.  And even if we don’t like them, we pay attention.  They don’t leave us cold, bored, and wishing there was someone real in the room.

Who was the best character in Bewitched?  Agnes Moorhead, who played the wickedly honest Endora.  Why was Kevin Cline so much fun with Meg Ryan in French Kiss?  Because he made no apologies, cared not one whit for the opinions of others.  What made John Cleese so great in Fawlty Towers and in The Pink Panther?  It was because he was authentic, even awful, but in no way for a single moment, dull or ordinary.  It’s called entertainment.

People make fun of me, behind my back and to my face, for my unsophisticated tastes.  I have grown weary of explaining why I watch James Bond movies, but here I go again:  Because James is smart and strong and handsome and he always wins!  Because there are exotic locales and not a single boring moment.  There are amazing cars and exploding gadgets, and impossible feats of derring do!  Fascinating folks named things like “Q” and “M” and “Moneypenny” are always doing the dangerous and sacrificial thing, right along with James.  Yes, there are scantily-clad and shockingly-named women moaning, “Oh, James”, but to the fun-lovers among us, it’s just more fun.

Contrary to the allegations of the Bond naysayers, there are thought-provoking plots (sometimes, anyway) such as the consequences of worldwide information and surveillance control, adding depth and texture to an already satisfactory offering.  Most of all, in Bond we have a hero worth his salt.

I don’t apologize for liking Roger Moore better than Sean Connery or Daniel Craig, and I do admit that a couple of the Bond flicks weren’t quite up to par.  And I am happy to say that the final (???) Bond movie, Spectre, is my favorite among favorites because it ends, as do all my favorites, “Happily Ever After.”

So sue me.  I believe in happy endings.  Listen, if you don’t, you won’t ever have to worry about one if your own life.  You won’t have to worry about people calling you Pollyanna, making fun of you and thinking you give a care what they think.

I once had a boss who made fun of me for reading Reader’s Digest.  “So?  You read Time,” I countered to his frowning confusion.  I was supposed to apologize for reading uplifting stories of real people, rather than what the “intelligent” people read.

Yesterday at the Red Feather Lakes Library I picked up Sons and Soldiers by Bruce Henderson.  I am miffed at myself because I hoped that would redeem me in the eyes of one of the more “highbrow” volunteers, one I am quite sure thinks my Georgette Heyer love affair quite childish.

I am halfway through Sons and Soldiers (would have stayed up all night reading it, but my heart had to have a respite), almost finished with A Gentleman in Moscow (taking my time because I don’t want it to end – how I love, respect, and admire the Count!), just started on my third reading of Minerva by Marion Chesney (why do I love Minerva’s  atrocious daddy?), and I just finished with Georgette Heyer’s A Lady of Quality.  This represents my fiction reading of the moment.

Non-fiction includes my annual reading, month by month, of The Shape of a Year (such a treasure) continual dippings into and out of various motivational and informational books (Jennifer Scott’s Madame Chic books for instance), magazines (I just subscribed to Ree Drummond’s Pioneer Woman magazine!!!!), homemaking blogs, and of course, my almost daily reading of Psalms, Proverbs, and something Jesus and/or Paul had to say (I’m sadly deficient in my Old Testament knowledge, and often mistake the exploits of Daniel with those of David, Joseph or another notable.  This lack, it seems, isn’t nearly as reprehensible or disconcerting to others as is my lack of taste in movies).

I guard my heart.  I believe much of what passes for literature and entertainment is a danger to the health and therefore the strength of my heart, and even my character.

And I think it’s time that all of us who want to write but don’t think we’re “any good” should just get to it, without a single thought of what anyone thinks about what we write, without a worry or even a nod to the opinions of others about what constitutes “good writing.”  Even if it’s never published or read by another soul, we can say we did more than criticize and complain.

Let’s write, shall we?

P.S.  TOMORROW, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 16, AT 2:00 MOUNTAIN TIME, TUNE IN TO:  WWW.1360AM.CO FOR THE HOMEFRONT SHOW.  I’ll be sharing good stuff on manipulation (how not to do it, or to feed it); champion forgivers among our Founding Fathers, rescuing yourself from the TORTURE of unforgiveness, and much, much more.  Thanks ahead of time for joining me!

 

When I Write a Book . . .

I picked up Alice Hoffman’s The Third Angel because it was recommended in Fearless Writing.

I have a like/dislike relationship with this book, but I’m keeping on with it because it keeps redeeming itself, keeps pulling me along with unexpected delights.

I am not delighted with a woman who is marrying a man she knows to be selfish and flawed, but I am carried away with the answer to her own question:  How do you love such a person?  You just do it.

I am delighted when a book reminds me of the truths in my own life, how love is an act, a sacrifice, a looking like God.  Love is God and I am becoming more transformed into His image when I “just do it.”

Like the character in The Third Angel, I find myself unmoved by the flaws in those I love, even blind to them, when I get on that love train and we both start going places.  Life becomes an adventure of raw discovery, flaws become idiosyncrasies, differences become intriguing – even delightful, and life is good.

There is language in The Third Angel.  If not, the editors would probably say to the author, “This is London, you must have language, no one will believe it otherwise.”  But if I write a book, the strongest language will begin with “sh” and end with “it” even if the plane is crashing.

Wait.  No planes crashing in my book.  I will, as they say, write what I know.  Spaghetti sauce in a favorite antique bowl slipping out of my hand as I swipe it out of the fridge, breaking and splattering spaghetti sauce all over the kitchen.  Living and moving and breathing spaghetti sauce.  Everywhere.  Little faces astounded at the crash and even more at Mommy saying that word.

But then I would forget about a broken bowl and a messy kitchen because there is a much larger issue:  tender and bare feet.  I would shoo them away and clean every last speck – not perhaps every last speck of spaghetti sauce, which I will be finding this time next year, but every single last speck of glass.

Because I know these feet are going to be with me forever.  I know what is real and good, and that is the life of my children.  Life.

I don’t know if Alice Hoffman knows life is good, if her book will end as a good book must, with a satisfactory and victorious ending (a love ending).  I do know if I write a book, it will be filled top to bottom, end to end, and side to side with “Just do it” love.

Amen.

P.S.  Don’t miss The Homefront Show Fridays at 2:00 MTN.  Go to 1360am.co and join the fun!

 

 

Is This Romance or a Colossal Waste of Time?

woman reading photo

So many books, so little time.  Why, then, am I reading the most forgettable of books?  Because I am trying to escape laziness by being lazy.  Say what?

I recently read two very different books.  The second one is so forgettable (by a very successful modern author) that I won’t bore you with its title.  The first book, however, sent me to Alibris.com to see what else I might find by the author.  I started this book during Thanksgiving week, so it took a while to finish.  But even as I was busy with other quite enthralling and enjoyable activities, I was thinking about the book, about the main character’s dilemma.  I was, as I explained to my family, “intensely involved’ in this story.

book on desk with glasses

Right.  The name of the book:  Lady Audley’s Secret by Mary Elizabeth Braddon.  This book enhanced my thinking, revved up my mental engines.  Like another recently enjoyed excellent book, North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell, Lady Audley’s Secret satisfied my heart’s desire for new insights and revelations, as well as reacquaintance with deep and almost forgotten heart’s truths.

So, why again do I pick up twaddle and use up precious hours of my life reading it, and then forgetting it as soon as possible?  It’s called “escape” and aptly so, but to where?  I escaped to intriguing worlds with Mary Elizabeth Braddon and with Elizabeth Gaskell, but with the author who must not be named I escaped to . . . I don’t remember.

 

beautiful library

So many bad (inane, intelligence insulting, smut-filled) books.  So many good books.  I choose good.

Oh, and one more thing!  Beware the “poignant” books.  This usually means the author’s life stinks and he/she wants yours to, also, via reading this tripe.  Try instead something whose very feel in your hands makes you say, “I wonder what’s in here.”

old books

School by the Creek

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One day, a few years back, Seth and Rebekah asked to go to the creek and “do school later”.  I said they could go, paper and pencil in hand, and to bring back something they’d written–a story, a thought, a drawing, poetry.

Here is Seth’s offering:

I have a cathedral of willows over my head

The sound of the creek in my ears,

A hoodie under my back.

I will try not to fall in the creek.

Ack!

All this comfort, all this wonder,

I’ve claimed a little nook.

Yet all the while I wish I’d brought a book.

Rebekah wrote me a love letter, and some of her thoughts, as well as this “Spring Poem”:

The creek laughs happily over stones

I hear birdsong and breezes.

But something else is talking –

Tis neither wind nor birdsong nor the creek.

Tis Spring.

Something in the Mail!

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We get our mail at the post office, in a little box of our own.  Some days there’s nothing, some days there’s worse than nothing – things I take home to trash. And some days, once in a while, there is a card or a letter, from someone who loves me, who prays for me before I even ask.

Alexandra Stoddard wrote a book whose title says it all:  The Gift of a Letter.  Yes, I buy books by authors with whom I see eye to eye, who don’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.  Why?  Because they remind me of things I may have misplaced.  Important things, like say, cards and letters.

Your friends will agree with me – a card or a letter is a treat, a tangible and forever treasured proof of love.  Not so a generic one-size-fits-all notice on Facebook.

You can cheat like I do.  Type all the news and print it out before tucking it into a card with just a few hand-scribbled words.  You can even cut and paste parts of e-mails and print them.  Add in a comic strip you cut out of the newspaper, a dried flower or sticker, a great quote, the name of a good book you just read, or a picture of you looking your worst so they’ll feel better.  Ask them how they are and what is new and what their kids/friends/dogs are up to.

If this all seems like a bit much, just do the prep for now.  Copy these words as a model – you’ll recall this from childhood:  Dear Buddy, How are you?  I am fine.  Love, Me.  P.S.  Write back soon.  Into a drawer or a basket or even a bowl, put your model along with your address book (when you find it), paper, envelopes and a couple of pens.  When you buy stamps (pretty ones!) put some of those in, too.

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Now, the next time someone is on your mind do them two incredible favors:  Say a prayer for them, and send them the gift of a letter.  You have plenty to say:  You were on my mind; I said a prayer for you; Love, Me. P.S.  Please write back soon, I’m enclosing my stamped and addressed envelope with paper inside.  P.P.S.  I’ll send you a pen if yours are all out of ink – I just bought some new ones!

Why Would a Sane Woman Write?

IMG_2408Sometimes we get stuck in our writing because we don’t know what to say.  All we know for sure is that we’re unsure.  Where the world says wait for the muse, the Word says wait for the Holy Spirit.  Though it tarries, wait for it.  Because it will surely come.

God is patient with us and we must be patient with ourselves.  Just because our fingers aren’t dancing about the keyboard doesn’t mean we’re not in writing mode.  As I sat with my children on our chilly balcony with rain pouring down just beyond our tea cups, my daughter’s words echoed my thoughts.  “I’m going to have lots of rain and storms and dreary days in my book,” she said.  Earlier as I ironed my apron and went straight to the kitchen to spill burned butter all over it, it was yet another writing prompt.  My heroine would be a closet apron ironer, to feel close to her grandmother.  Later on, I mused, I would walk in the rain with an umbrella and think of Jo March and her professor in Little Women.  And I would ponder the beauty of a book set during the Civil War in which nary a battlefield was seen.  Might such a book be considered tame by today’s standards?  Yes, but today’s readers still read it!  Is my book too tame?  No.  What’s tame about professors and umbrellas and rain and love?  What’s love got to do with it?  Everything.

Love is to the reader as rain to a thirsty land.  Just as the water I gave my plants this morning surely qualifies as a good and perfect gift, so, I reason, should be my writing –  a quenching outpouring to readers thirsty for beauty and truth and light.  God’s answer to the ugly, the deceptive, the dark.  Is such my writing?  Let’s just say I’m working on it.  I have been given a gift, a mandate, a race.  I think of my friend who runs marathons.   Like all exercise, the highest purpose of a marathon is to illustrate the similar attributes and benefits of spiritual exercise.  My friend reads about running, talks about it, buys all the right gear, hangs out with other runners, and makes practice runs.  You might say she was not really a marathon runner until she entered to race, sweated through the miles, and crossed the finish line.  We might believe we’re not writers until our books are published, but every moment of our life is part of our writing, part of the race.

The key is knowing why we’re running, why we write.  We may struggle for years with little to show for it, for two simple reasons:  First, we don’t know why we write, only that we must; and second, we’re writing for publication, rather than for the benefit of our readers.  If you write truth, it will find an audience.  So, after all this time of waiting for success, for publication, adulation and riches untold, am I suggesting we wait some more?  Yes, but with a difference:  I’m suggesting patient expectation.

Patience – when we study it in the Word – we find little was accomplished apart from it.  Patience is the undergirding of faith.  It’s what enables us to continue through that long trek between the vision and the destination.  Notice I did not say “agonizing and painful journey between vision and apocalypse.”  Yes, it has often seemed so to me, but that was my fault.  If our writing is in fact a calling, the One who calls is the One with the easy yoke and the light burden.  It’s our adding on to the burden that makes what could be a walk in the park more of a slog through a bog.

We often, in our quest to hurry the writing, make it take longer.  Alas, there are no shortcuts.  We learn to write by writing, to live by living, to love by loving.  If we will write His answer, we must adopt a sense of adventure and privilege, and know there will be a bit of work involved, including the work to develop perseverance and patience.  We are speaking for the Most High.  Let us take the time and do the work to learn His language, the language of love.

Love must be our reason for writing.  And to the questions in our readers’ hearts, that is His answer:  Love.

What does love look like?  See Rosamunde Pilcher’s Coming Home wherein a family opens their home and their hearts to a young girl practically abandoned by her parents;  see Pilgrim’s Inn, the story of a home where the wayfarer could heal; examine Georgette Heyer’s characters, seen through the eyes of an author in love – with humanity.  Read and be changed by Neville Shute’s A Town Like Alice, as a young woman changes the lives of all those around her in the direst of times, even as the man who loves her gives his all.  See Jane Eyre demonstrate her love for God as even greater than her love for Mr. Rochester.  Love ultimately looks like sacrifice working through faith.

Love was Paul’s reason for writing.  And writing.  And writing.  Love letters from Jesus, himself the conduit.  Writing, as Paul did it, is the way to say exactly what we mean to say.  We may consider and reconsider.  We may call on God’s promises to give us the words, searching deep in our hearts for that which we must voice, and finding the words to reach that listening heart.  We write for that waiting, yearning, listening heart.  In so doing we have a conversation with another beautiful soul, with a brother or sister yet unmet.  We write and we meet and we are both improved, encouraged, loved.

But what about you?  What about me?  Can we write such things?  Are we any good?  Let us scrutinize our work for one ingredient.  Laying aside concerns about writing on par with Jane Austen and C.S. Lewis, let’s look at our writing and ask the question:  Is it love?

Love says we weep over the agony of those in bondage, and when and only when the Holy Spirit makes the way and gives us the words, do we speak.  Or write. Writing before we’re sure of His wisdom, of His leading, is speaking ahead of Him.  It’s powerful, only in the wrong direction.  We can actually nullify the freedom work He is doing in an entrapped soul by getting in the middle of things.

We must be as careful of what we write as of what we speak.  Writing with love means taking our words captive and comparing them to the Words of God.  We are to be His ambassadors, deployed for battle, not the agents of Satan to turn people away from Christ.  Many Christian writers have ignored those words of Jesus Himself found in John 10:10:  The thief comes to steal, kill, and  destroy, but I have come that you might have abundant life.  Indeed, it is as though they believe Jesus is the thief, the enemy (putting cancer on your heroine to teach her a lesson – just because He turns what the enemy does to your good, doesn’t mean He is the enemy!).  Why would anyone in their right mind want to serve such a god?  Such a god is served by pagans – angry, and to be appeased and placated by works and sacrifices.  Jesus was and is the sacrifice.  We are the redeemed.  Let us say so in our writing.

People are often antagonistic to Christians because they are disappointed, disappointment leading to anger.  Never doubt they know Jesus’ commandment to us – love.  Never doubt they are watching.  Hoping.  We can all think of people who abandoned their parents’ faith.  They have thrown the baby out with the bathwater, the baby being Jesus, the bathwater filthy religion, religion being man’s sad attempt to improve on the finished work of the Cross.

When we as writers respond to the anger and antagonism of the lost, we fall right into the enemy’s trap, and lose all possibility of effectiveness.  A defensive posture is one of fear.  We are never to respond in fear.  We are to prepare with the full armor of God, and then, when He says we have something worth sharing (and our lives reflect it – i.e. don’t go giving marital advice when yours is on the rocks), we go boldly forward.  We are to be a powerful offense against Satan and for man.

Our writing, incorporating patience, faith, and love, must point to Jesus.  We don’t write based on our experience, denomination, pastor’s opinion, education, or upbringing.  If we want to have influence, we’d better be sure we’re not seeking to promote our influence, and we’d better get real.  Our writing must point to the ultimate reality – Christ Jesus.  Paul, in all his writings, never once wrote to a group of perfect Christians.  There were none.  He admitted his failings, and never forgot who he would still be, if not for Christ.  He didn’t write Paul’s answers.  He wrote God’s answer:  The Love of Jesus.