From Fear to Fear or from Faith to Faith?

April 11, 2016April 11, 2016 ~ Bev Parker ~ Leave a comment

hobbit house

I got into a discussion yesterday about home schooling. It began with the statement (as best I recall), “People home school from a position of fear.” Being just about finished with defending my position to people who are coming at me from a position of judgment (never having homeschooled themselves, and perhaps wanting to justify putting their kids in the cesspool or should I say “government indoctrination camps” which are also known, unbelievably, as schools), I was perhaps a little more direct than usual.

I agreed that yes, many people do homeschool from a position of fear, from a defensive posture. But, as I pointed out, they are still, more often than not, quite successful at turning out hard-working, independent-thinking, quality citizens. I wish I’d said what my husband John said this morning when I talked it over with him. “They may begin from a position of fear, their feet may tremble as they step out in faith, but they begin. They step out.”

I am sorry for the myriad of Christians who will someday have to defend that “Let them be salt and light in the public schools” nonsense. As John said, “You think a five-year-old (or 15-year-old) is going to stand against an institution controlled by an entity who was once God’s right hand man, an entity with thousands of years of experience to perfect his craft of stealing, killing, and destroying (John 10:10)?”

prison wire

And anyway, I ask, how is that working for you? As John said when I discussed the mental cruelty my granddaughter is receiving in public school (supposedly one of the “best” school systems in her state) John reminded me, “Oh, but she’s being properly socialized.” I forcibly turned my thoughts away from all the other negatives she’s experiencing in the name of “education.”

The reasons to get your children out of the public school system are numerous, and I won’t go into them right now. But I do want to come back to that fear assertion. Perhaps it was fear on this man’s part that prevented him from home schooling – fear of being ridiculed, criticized, outright persecuted. Fear of not going along with the crowd, perhaps even fear of his own pastor’s opinion, or whoever it was that first fed him that “salt and light” malarky.

Fear. Maybe it first gained a stronghold in his mind via his childhood training in following the crowd, in trying to fit in, in wanting to be accepted, popular, “cool” like everyone else. Indeed, perhaps he is just another victim of the public school system, where we all (most of us at least) learned: not to rock the boat, to color inside the lines, and to judge. To fear.

II Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Don’t take my word for it, don’t take anyone else’s word against it: Get God’s opinion, and remember He said “Train up your child,” NOT, “Send them out for someone else to indoctrinate.”

Twice in the last week I have heard how women who don’t have college degrees aren’t “qualified” to home school. Faith and Love, not pieces of paper given to 22-year-olds with no children and in many cases, even less than no wisdom, is what qualifies and equips us to train our children.

Faith in the One who made your child, and who chose you as the parent, faith working through love – that’s your ticket. YOU’RE IT! YOU CAN DO IT, AND DO IT BRILLIANTLY! I like to turn the long-ago spoken words of a school board member around. When my dad asked why we (my brother and I) weren’t learning anything, he was told, “We don’t need no smartass city dude tellin’ us how to run our school.” Newsflash: WE DON’T NEED NO SMARTASS SCHOOL TELLIN’ US HOW TO RAISE OUR KIDS.

Does the very thought of even thinking about homeschooling make you sweat and gulp? That probably means it’s time for you to get off the fear merry-go-round and get on the faith train. What a journey it’s going to be!

child at beach.jpg

The Stupid Question: What About Socialization?

January 6, 2016January 6, 2016 ~ Bev Parker ~ Leave a comment

child in hat and glasses

“Precisely.”

That’s what to say when you’re asked this most aggravating and ignorant of questions about why your child isn’t being institutionalized.

“But aren’t you concerned about socialization?”

“Yes. That’s one of the reasons we homeschool.”

Total confusion on their part.

Patient sigh on yours.

“First of all, we aren’t socialists. We don’t believe the state knows best. We don’t believe the state owns us or our children.”

“Secondly, we don’t think hanging out all day long (mostly sitting) with ignorant little kids who look, talk, dress, and are in more ways than not, exactly alike, is proper socialization. ”

“In fact, we think it’s extremely unnatural, unhealthy, and stifling.”

Oh, and we’re too nice to say so, but it’s your kids and grandkids (it’s mostly old fools who come after us on this) who won’t look us in the eyes when we attempt to converse with them, who mutter or don’t answer at all, who display an alarming dearth of original thought and logic if they do venture an opinion, not our poor little homeschooled “hicks.”

We have always gotten compliments on our kids – on their ability to converse with people of all ages, backgrounds, religions, cultures, and races; on their friendliness, kindness, respect, and their obvious enjoyment of life and each other.

Seth and Rebekah Benjamin and Hannah all four kids

Yes, you can search and find kids like ours, and they may even be kids who are public-schooled. Don’t know, haven’t seen that very much. But why go to the trouble? Why not just homeschool?

Yes, your kids will miss out if you homeschool. They’ll miss out on being bullied or becoming bullies, on easy access to drugs, sex, alcohol and porn. They won’t learn about being one of the “in crowd” or being “cool” and “popular.” In short, they won’t be social monstrosities, with mountain-tall egos, or “nerds” who hate school. And if you have even the smallest of success, you will raise individuals who miss out on becoming followers.

You, too, will miss out if you homeschool your children. You’ll miss them turning into hellions during their teen years. You’ll miss them losing respect for you and your beliefs, and you’ll miss becoming an embarrassment to their social little arses.

If you homeschool, you’ll miss out on being politically correct and socially acceptable. And yes, you’ll have to deal with the stupid question. I’ve given you a few answers, and here are a couple more: “Who and what successes qualify you to judge me?”, and, “So, what hole do you live in (speaking of socialization) so that you don’t know the abysmal failure public education in America has been proven to be, no matter how you measure it.”

Well, maybe I shouldn’t say “no matter how you measure it.” Because if your goal is turning out good little robots who lose their sense of personal worth, individual creative prowess, and dare I say, common sense and kindness, then maybe public school is a roaring success.

Go ahead, in the name of socialization, steal your child’s childhood. Take away his time to play, invent, create, read, read, read, commune with God and nature, and grow into the person God intended, so that he can change the world.

little girl with flower

Look around you. Do we need even one more just-like-everybody-else person? Your child is unique in all the world, in all the history of the world. It will take a huge and concerted effort to make her just like everyone else – socialized. In fact, you can’t do it alone. You’ll need all the help you can get to stamp out all that originality and wonder. Hooray, there’s public education in America!

Just say “Yes” to the Idea of Home Schooling Your Child

December 8, 2015December 8, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ 2 Comments

A young girl reading the current events in a newspaper; isolated on white background.

People worry about bad things that might happen to their kids in public school – kids getting fat due to unhealthy food, kids being bullied, kids getting shot. But they don’t seem to worry about the certainties: Their kids will be institutionalized, and taught that they are nothing, less than nothing, in fact.

A few years back we took a trip to visit a famous museum, where I was appalled at the exhibit “proving” that we are all products of nothing more than “oxygen pollution.” Yes, there are worse things than being highly developed apes. One can have affection and regard for an ape. But to be nothing more than pollution? You can try all the self-esteem training in the world, but it won’t take over deeply-embedded programming such as this.

The truth is that every one of us is unique in all the world, uniquely qualified to do something marvelous for God and man. This is the goal of education: the love and adventure of learning of who our Maker is, why He made us, and the equipping for the task.

Pastor Keith Moore recently said, “We need to be delivered from this desperate need for others’ approval.” I submit to you that we got that mentality in public school. We learned to follow the crowd, to strive for the grade, to fit in and be “cool” in public school.

Yes, of course all this happens in most private schools as well, but many private schools are Christian, and therefore do not denigrate the child with anti-Creation messages. However, there is one way to be certain your child is taught the intrinsic value of every human, and that is to believe it yourself and teach it at home.

Oh, you’re doing that? Once in a while. And you think you can counter that pervasive message from “educators” just fine. And how about the influences of children whose parents have failed to teach them kindness and respect?

We recently visited friends whose pre-schooled child talked back to her mom and it was like listening to a rebelling teenager. I was so grieved. A child that age should be over the moon in love with her mommy.

So what do I suggest? Home schooing. Of course.

Before you start your tired mantra: I can’t, I couldn’t, I’m not qualified, I have to work, I’m a single parent, my kids drive me nuts . . . Just stop for a second. Consider the idea. What if you could? What if you at least prayed about it? What if it’s true that where there’s a will there’s a way?

You may not be qualified, but it’s probably not for the reasons you think. I once read about a woman who decided against home schooling and was glad she did when she saw her kindergartner standing in line. She knew that had she home schooled ,her daughter would never have learned this “skill.”

When our kids were young teens we enrolled them in Karate. When the instructor told the class to line up our kids just stood there. John laughed and I rolled my eyes. Hannah later said she knew what a line was, but she just thought she should be first and everyone should get behind her. How’s that for a different perspective?

Back to the woman who thinks standing in line is an important life skill. This woman is not smart enough to home school. But you are, or you wouldn’t be reading my blog. If you potty trained that child and taught her to talk and how to tie her shoes, you can teach her to love learning and be a life-long performer in the dance of life.

The “Art” of Home Education

September 28, 2015September 30, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ 1 Comment

“What should I do with him today?” Hannah asked this morning, regarding her babysitting charge. “I’ll think on that,” I said, knowing Hannah was talking as much to herself as to me, and would as usual come up with something on her own.

Still, I pondered her question because I said I would, and then later called her. “I know what you can do. Google a recipe for finger paints, then let him do something like the horse Seth did with finger paints when he was about that age.”

“Oh, God,” Seth moaned in the background (he now thinks that marvelous painting is awful). “Thanks, Mom, that’s what I’ll do!” was Hannah’s more gratifying response.

It doesn’t matter what Seth thinks about that painting, or that he doesn’t understand why his dragon water color has a place of honor (more on that place later) or that Benjamin wishes heartily that I take down his crayon drawing of his battle horse, “Ready”, or that Hannah disagrees entirely with my assessment that her quilt horse pencil drawing is pure joy (I even have candles to match it). Rebekah’s most prized artwork (in my view) is her picture of me (I have a crown on my head and a hugely smiling, bright red mouth and am wearing a low-necked turquoise dress), and she’s the only child who never complains about it being on the wall for all the world to see.

Yes, there was plenty of art that never made the frame, never graced our walls, some of it long gone, others in folders stored away. And I do have artwork that was done by “professionals”. But none of it has ever elicited the interest, the smiles, even the joy brought by the works of my children. ‘Real” art has never made John say, as he did about Seth’s 4-year-old finger-painted horse, “Don’t ever take that down. It makes me smile every time I look at it.” Me, too. Even now.

Hannah, in entertaining her charge last week, sculpted a cat for me, as he created for his mom. Hannah wrapped her creation carefully in toilet paper, sat down beside me on the couch when she got home, and said, “I know you are the one person who will appreciate this.” She unwrapped the cat, and just as she knew I would be, I was delighted. The cat (not named yet, am waiting to get to know him/her) sits in a place of honor on my dresser.

As to Seth’s dragon painting’s place of honor, it sits in front of the TV, effectively hiding the hideous thing from view. TV can be the greatest enemy of creativity, of family life, of art appreciation.

In all our travels the kids have never been allowed to watch movies or play video games rather than enjoying the scenery (they can read if they like). Nature’s art speaks to our hearts whether we’re on the Oregon coast or at the highest spot we can climb to in Rocky Mountain National Park, or amid the Sugar Maples during Fall in the Ozarks, or on a desolate stretch of desert highway. Appreciation and understanding of God, that’s what art can give us. Real art. Art from the heart.

Exhortation of creativity is one of the hallmarks of good home education. Good home education produces children who are highly individual, and yet uniquely qualified to contribute to the greater good. Such as in creating artworks that are also mementos. Such as taking the time to ponder what will bring joy to the heart of a child when babysitting.

A little child will lead you. When Seth first tried to draw dragons, I bought a little book entitled, “How to Draw a Dragon” (or something like that). When Rebekah wasn’t all that keen on drawing, I bought books on how to draw horses (she was very keen on horses). Hannah’s interest in water colors was fueled by a local water color class. For Benjamin, I simply kept plenty of pencils, pens, and paper on hand, as his art was mostly props for his writing. If he was creating a battle scene, he would go outside, build a city, enact the battle with the wooden sword and shield John made one year for his birthday, come back inside and sketch out further details, and return to his writing (fantastic writing by the way). My small contribution was making a hauberk, helping John with the finishing touches on the shield, and saying, “Absolutely!!!” when John asked if I thought he should add a battle axe to the weaponry.

Home education, done in love’s rhythms and graces, can make learning an enchantment of color and light and joy. An art, in other words.

Home Comforts

May 16, 2015May 16, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ 2 Comments

Whether or not you homeschool, your children are watching and learning your attitude about homemaking. If you’re like most moms, things get a bit messy at times, especially in our minds! We need a bit of decluttering, a little refurbishing, direction, and refreshment. I give you the beyond-anything book, Home Comforts.

Home Comforts, by Cheryl Mendelson, is one of my two favorite books on making home a haven (the other is Alexandra Stoddard’s Creating a Beautiful Home). Cheryl (she is a friend even though we’ve never met) has done her homework. A former attorney, she’s very diligent and disciplined, and has the intelligence required to make a good job of homemaking.

As this book is over 800 pages long, and covers anything and everything you can think of, I can’t begin to do it justice here. But as an example here’s a quote from the chapter on home cooking: “Good meals at home satisfy emotional hunger as real as hunger in the belly, and nothing else does so in the same way.”

Cheryl goes on to discuss how and why not to use cookbooks–I am vindicated! I believe a recipe is only someone else’s creation, certainly nothing written in stone. Of course, if Julia Child wrote it I will pay attention. But someone telling me to make pumpkin cake without salt, or that you don’t need all those walnuts in your oatmeal raisin cookies? I don’t think so.

As usual, I am loving the sound of my own horn tooting, and it’s time to get back to the marvelous book at hand. Home Comforts covers anything and everything you might ever want to know about homemaking. You will be sorry when you’ve turned the last page, and if you’re like me, determined to read it again.

And to share it with others, especially family.

Do you want to excel at the high and highly rewarding calling of homemaking? This book, so aptly named, will inspire and gladden your heart, and perhaps best of all, it will convince you that what you do at home truly matters.

It’s “Raising Mannerly Children,” Not, “Ignoring Aggravating Miniature Terrorists”

May 12, 2015May 12, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ Leave a comment

Note: This picture was taken Mother’s Day, 2015, but I am pairing it with an article written in 2010, as I consider it worth repeating.

The Importance of RAISING MANNERLY CHILDREN cannot be overemphasized. Manners are, in essence, simply the thoughtful consideration of the needs and wants of others.

The Golden Rule is so named because if you learn it, all else of value follows.

And if you don’t . . .

A life of misery–for you, your child, your child’s spouse and children and coworkers, neighbors–is what’s in store if you don’t teach your children manners.

Or, let’s look at it another way: Teach your children to think of others and they will naturally have manners.

This is an ongoing task (see the article’s end for how to begin with ease and quick results), but the rewards are commensurate with the effort.

Seth, (a 10-year-old), has an excess of energy, and sometimes tears through the house like a dervish. Recently he raced past the girls and me, who were having a pleasant conversation, yelling and brushing against us.

It was time for conscious parenting. Time to heed that little voice in my head that said, “Stop what you’re doing, stop having a nice chat with your girls, and deal with this.” So I stopped.

IT’S MY JOB.

Not fun, but necessary. I will not be the mother of a hellion, who thinks the conversations and happiness of others beneath his time and consideration.

Yes, we all know someone like this. An adult. Not a pretty picture.

Remember: If you don’t care enough to teach your child to be kind and considerate, who will?

But how? Where to begin? An excellent place to start is with Munro Leaf’s books, those loved and still remembered by my kids–Manners Can Be Fun, How to Behave and Why, and How to Speak Politely and Why.

Fun, funny, great illustrations, and effective: Munro Leaf.

Hannah, the Extraordinarily Effectual Exhorter

April 24, 2015April 24, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ Leave a comment

American Kate, aka Hannah Katherine Parker, has a blog that will do your heart good–encouraging you, building up your faith, and obliterating anxiety–all through the pen of a ready writer. And by “ready” I mean able, amazing, anointed! Try it, you’ll like it:

www.thewarmjournal.com

Beautiful Outlaw – A Book for all Reasons

April 24, 2015April 24, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ Leave a comment

One of the many beauties of home education is the time to read, and to share great books. When I bought John Eldredge’s Beautiful Outlaw for my son Benjamin, I wasn’t worried about his not reading it. Even if he didn’t read it, someone at our house would. This I knew from experience.

Not only did Benjamin read the book, and quote from it often, he urged me to read it. I don’t think I’m unique in liking to pick my own books, and being somewhat resistant when people insist I read something. But since Benjamin is not the insistent sort, and because I know John Eldredge can be trusted, I picked up the book.

I would breeze through it, job done. Wrong. I savored this book–reading a bit and smiling and stopping to consider. As I neared the book’s end, I slowed down. I didn’t want this journey with John Eldredge and Jesus to end.

What a privilege to, if you will, have a conversation with a free thinker. A radically Christian radical.

When a book speaks to an 18-year-old young man as well as to his mother, there’s something going on. When I love a book, yet can’t quite bring myself to part with it, there’s something going on. And when a book changes and clarifies my thinking in a way that electrifies my joy in Christ, well, I just have to rave.

School in the Trees

April 20, 2015April 22, 2015 ~ Bev Parker ~ Leave a comment

Remember field trips–the best part of school? It didn’t matter where you went, just that you got to go outside!

Since the kids were small I have seized opportunities to go outside–school on a quilt in the back yard; school as we pulled the littlest child on the biggest quilt in the red wagon. We didn’t call it school as we ate dusty blackberries picked from the roadside to enjoy as we read Timothy Tattercoat by Maryel Chaney.

But oh, the lessons learned. Years later we didn’t call it school when we climbed and scooted and grunted our way to the top of the tallest rocks in the mountains behind our house, and stood reaching for the sky and talking of dreams.

I certainly don’t call it school when I demonstrate the ultimate in relaxation. Sometimes, no matter how enthralling the book I’ve chosen to read on my quilt atop an aspen leaf/pine needle carpet, I fall asleep in the sunrays shining through the trees. Whiling away afternoons celebrating the short but glorious Rocky Mountain summer is a lesson in, well, does it always have to be a lesson?

There is nothing difficult about any of this “schooling” – watching butterlies and humming forgotten tunes, telling stories of my childhood, experiencing my children. Perhaps more than wondering what the lesson is for my children, I should consider the message: Life is wonderful.

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